Remembering your why during challenging times 

It was a wintery day with temperatures hovering in the negatives. Winter meant that exam rooms were filled with patients with colds, sore throats, respiratory symptoms, and injuries from falling. Our family medicine clinic was the only one in town and we were short staffed that day. With one physician on site, a nurse, and a medical student (me), we tried to stay on top of the influx of patients. My shift for the day had ended two hours ago but I volunteered to stay and help. We were running behind schedule, and I felt the pull of a million responsibilities. The waiting room was struggling to handle the patient overload. Sick children were crying with the discomfort from fevers. I was trying to keep my head above water: running in and out of patient rooms, taking vitals, answering questions, and documenting patient histories in the EMR, all the while holding my head above the water. Running on four hours of sleep from the night before from a late night of studying did not help, either. I was exhausted and running on fumes.   

Then in an exam room, I was greeted with angry comments, demanding requests, and understandable complaints about the long wait. It was not the first time I had been yelled at by a patient that day, but it was certainly the rudest comment heard thus far. I felt like giving up because I was at my wits end. I pulled myself together and apologized for the wait and carried on with my responsibilities.   

Pursuing a career in medicine is a rewarding experience but it also comes with many twists and turns. We have all been there; where quitting seems like the easiest option in these situations. In those moments, the weight of the world as well as the demands of a profession in healthcare can be overwhelming and daunting. That wintery day at the clinic was a day where I was physically, emotionally, and mentally challenged. I felt weak, hopeless, and wanted to give up. But then I found my why. 

My why was the result of a journey of self-discovery after years of feeling burdened by society’s expectations, and cultural standards. As a first-generation immigrant, I felt I had to always prove myself to others. I was living up to everyone else’s why in the absence of my own.

I felt unfulfilled and took inventory of my life. I started practicing self-awareness and identifying my talents, passions, values, and strengths. I looked at the thread that connected my  thoughts, feelings, behaviors and habits. 

My why has become my credo in all areas of my life. It goes beyond simply helping others; it’s to leave the world better than I found it. This is the essence of stewardship. Regardless of the situation, place, person, relationship, I will always show kindness and respect. 

Regardless of career stage, from pre-med to practice, remembering your why during moments of uncertainty and stress can help you stay grounded. Let medicine make you, not break you.   

Here are some things I learned to consider:

1. Your why is the intrinsic motive for action.

2. It’s what you offer unconditionally to the world.

3. Your why will constantly present itself in times of adversity and during reflective situations.

4. It’s the product of who you are and the experiences that have shaped you.

5. It’s what inspires you.

6. Owning your why is one step above knowing your why. It’s the reason you keep working toward your cause in challenging times.

7. As you live out your why you live out your purpose.

8. When you know your why, your purpose becomes that much more impactful.

This piece expresses the views solely of the author. It does not necessarily represent the views of any organization, including Johns Hopkins Medicine.