Gratitude and goodbyes  

I recently experienced 24 hours that were a roller coaster of emotions. In that time, though my feelings were all over the place, the one commonality was a sense of deep gratitude that I felt from both a provider and patient perspective. 

I said goodbye to a young adult patient who I’d been working with since high school. This patient initially came with both parents—one of whom was a physician—for mental health treatment. During our journey together, she experienced many life events, some joyful and some heartbreaking. She lost and grieved for a parent—I attended a memorial service, and tears were shed. She was accepted to her first choice of college—I witnessed her joy, hearing excited shouts as she found out in my colleague’s office next door to mine. I have many memories of our time together: we had a specific process her deceased parent went through with each recommended dosage change. We continued to honor this process after their passing, addressing them in the absent chair they had routinely occupied.   

She graduated high school and now college this past spring. She’s moving out of state for an amazing job, one she’s worked toward for the past several years. As I prepared for my last session and saying goodbye, I thought about our time together and felt happiness and gratitude at having partnered with her on her journey. It was both an honor and privilege. In our last session, though I felt myself get a bit choked up, we also had several laughs together as she promised to send life updates.  

And then came my experience as a patient saying goodbye to a clinician who I’ve worked with for many years who has helped me tremendously. This goodbye was unexpected, as the physician was dealing with medical issues that necessitated the closing of their practice. I shed tears in their office as I listened to the medical challenges they’re facing. We then reverted back to our prescribed roles of patient and physician. We went through how I’d been doing, any need to make changes, recommendations for who to transfer care to. At the end of this final visit, I expressed my gratitude for the expert guidance in helping improve my health, noting they’re the physician I’ve seen the most frequently over the years.  

I’m now preparing to say goodbye to another patient I’ve worked with through high school and part of college. I’ve been fortunate to witness his path toward figuring out his life’s mission, which has brought joy and peace for him. I’m sure I’ll shed another tear when parting ways with him and his devoted parent. But already I feel immensely grateful.   

This piece expresses the views solely of the author. It does not necessarily represent the views of any organization, including Johns Hopkins Medicine.