“Did you have the baby?” 

By Richard Schaefer, MD, Johns Hopkins Medicine 

“Dr. Schaefer, will you be assisting with my son’s surgery tomorrow?”   

“Normally I would,” I replied, “But my wife is pregnant, and tomorrow they are going to induce labor. We’re going to have a baby..” I immediately regretted sharing that personal detail of my life.

I was in my orthopedic training at the time, doing a preoperative H&P and writing orders for an adolescent scheduled for a lower extremity amputation for osteosarcoma. A serious life-altering procedure for a life-threatening diagnosis.

The teenage patient was in the room along with his parents. I could only imagine what they were thinking about the upcoming surgery, but I was sure they had a a number of serious thoughts on their minds. And while I was nervous about my wife’s labor and becoming a first-time dad, my own family situation seemed much more routine. I was concerned that I’d be perceived as self-absorbed and lacking empathy toward the boy and his family. I wish I hadn’t shared that detail about my wife and me.

As it turned out, I needn’t have worried. The boy’s surgery and my wife’s labor both came off without complication and I was the proud father of a healthy girl. The next morning, I ran into the boy’s father in the lobby of the hospital. “Did you have the baby?!” he eagerly asked me.  

“Yes!” I replied. And I gave him a cigar that was labeled “It’s a girl.” He seemed genuinely touched.  

“I’m not going to smoke this,” he said. “I’m going to keep it as a memento of the occasion.” Wow, now I was touched. 

I then went to round on the boy on the ward. He was alone in the room, the lights were off, and he was quietly looking ahead. It was obvious that there was a missing limb under the hospital blanket. “Hey,” I said softly. “How are you doing?”  

I’m sure there were a lot of things on his mind. But the first thing he said to me wasn’t about himself. Instead, he asked “Did you have the baby?” I was stunned. Both he and his father were genuinely concerned about me and my family, despite the serous health condition he and his family were dealing with. Perhaps my self-disclosure helped me to connect with them after all. 

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This piece expresses the views solely of the author. It does not necessarily represent the views of any organization, including Johns Hopkins Medicine.