Maintaining well-being during the holidays 

By Ankita Sagar, MD, MPH, CommonSpirit Health
 

I remember dancing to the rhythmic beats of the music under twinkling lights. I can see my parents’ eyes reflecting the joy of those around them. They’re happy as they celebrate at their annual holiday party. Later, I hugged them goodbye and headed home. The next morning, I was awakened by my mom delivering the news of my cousin’s passing. He was her nephew, or as she says it, “mera beta” (my son).   

After that everything becomes a bit hazy. The rushed call to the travel agency, frantic messages to my extended family in India, and haphazardly helping my parents pack their suitcases. For me, the following days and weeks were filled with memories of my cousin while the sounds of holiday music filled my workplace and community. I could hear his voice asking “So, what’s your plan for this holiday? Let’s grab a movie! Come on, let’s do some ‘masti’!” Grief enveloped me, and my holidays, of course, weren’t the same.  

The holiday season is a joyous time for many. And for some, it’s a mix of joy and pain; memories of loss and grief can exacerbate feelings of depression, loneliness, fatigue, tension, and anxiety. In the a survey by the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 64% of those with a pre-existing mental illness reported worsening of symptoms during the holidays. And for healthcare professionals, holidays can be especially stressful due to staffing shortages and overburdened clinical care areas. 

Being mindful and supportive can play an important therapeutic role. These practices may help patients, colleagues, family, friends, and ourselves. Here are a few tips to recommend to others and try yourself if you’re coping with grief: 

1. Know that grief isn’t linear. 

One of the most important things I’ve learned personally and through caring for patients is that grief doesn’t always progress through predictable stages. It has its own rhythm. It doesn’t follow the calendar, and it certainly isn’t linear. A person may feel steady one day and overwhelmed the next. A scent, a song, or a familiar holiday tradition can suddenly stir up a wave of unexpected emotions. These moments are a natural part of remembering a loved one. Allowing these waves to rise and fall with more self-compassion and less judgment may help move through the season with gentleness. 

2. Remember that those who are grieving may feel multiple emotions at once. 

Grief is rarely one-dimensional. Conflicting emotions are normal, expected, and a reminder of being human. A person may laugh at a gathering and then suddenly feel guilty for experiencing a moment of joy. Gratitude for those who are present can coexist with sadness for those who are not. Grief and joy can, and often do, coexist. Our mind and heart are expansive enough to hold the enormity of both while allowing healing to unfold. 

3. Avoid social isolation.

For various reasons, people may crave to be alone. While sometimes helpful, being alone can often exacerbate feelings of loneliness, grief, and depression. It can be helpful to identify activities that are uplifting and interactive. These activities may include time with family or friends, volunteering at community events, and reaching out to a counselor. Most employees have an employee assistance program, while a number of coalitions provide aid to healthcare workers such as the Emotional PPE Project.  

4.Prioritize sleep and exercise.

Staying on a regular sleep and exercise schedule supports our well-being. Sleep allows our minds to process information and memories and exercise gives our mental, physical, and emotional health a boost.  

5. Identify triggers.   

Various triggers can exacerbate feelings of sadness, grief, depression, and anxiety. Identifying these triggers ahead of time can be helpful. Specific activities, places, or interactions with certain people can be especially charging. We can request a friend, family member, or neighbor to join us for support through triggers that are unavoidable.   

6. Carve out time for self-care.

We can find ourselves busy with to-do lists during the holidays. Finding pockets of time to take a daily walk, engage in a hobby, take a warm shower or bath, read a book or poem, listen to favorite music, or practice mindfulness exercises can support wellness.   

7. Set realistic expectations.

We ask a lot of our bodies and minds. It can be helpful to discuss expectations of your involvement and time commitment during the holidays with family and friends.  

8.  Curb substance use.

Alcohol and other substances can be especially triggering for exacerbating depression and feelings of loneliness. Avoidance of alcohol and other substances can be helpful as we focus our energy on sleep, exercise, and mindful behaviors.   

9. Consider creating new holiday traditions and honoring loved ones.

Holidays often magnify the absence of those who have passed, and even simple celebrations can feel emotionally complicated. While grief is expected and natural, creating space for new rituals can acknowledge how life has changed—especially rituals that also honor the one who is gone.    

If you or someone you know are struggling with feelings of depression, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area. 

This piece expresses the views solely of the author. It does not necessarily represent the views of any organization, including Johns Hopkins Medicine.